Sunday, July 29, 2007

Season of Winter


They come hand in hand with patients, healing, and hope.

With parallelism toward weather-related seasons, our lives too have times where there is more growth and also moments where everything seems lifeless.

But just like the winter’s realistic deception, our lives are never lost. It may look that way. It may feel that way. But deep down, it is not truth.

Right now, although it is summer in Texas with out a doubt, I am in winter. I feel somewhat disillusioned. Yet, what keeps me going is that I know of spring. I KNOW of what is to come. I draw upon those truths as reminders of what is to come.

Maybe I will come out weaker. Perhaps I will gain strength. Either way I ask the Lord to grow me. I ask the struggle to be purposed. I lay what I am at His feet. I lay my hopes and dreams there too. The ones that I want so bad it hurts. I lay my fear at his feet. The ones that anyone would agree to be afraid of. But what is Jesus, what is my relationship with Him, if I don’t? It would be only words.

I must choose action. I must decide to believe when no one else does with me. If God’s promises are real, than I lay my life to them. Because His promises offer more hope than anyone.

It is a chance I am willing to take.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Hero Chihuahua

Little dogs can do BIG things too!

MASONVILLE, Colo. — Zoey is a Chihuahua, but when a rattlesnake lunged at her owners' 1-year-old grandson, she was a real bulldog.
Booker West was splashing his hands in a birdbath in his grandparents' northern
Colorado back yard when the snake slithered up to the toddler, rattled and struck. Five-pound Zoey jumped in the way and took the bites.
"She got in between Booker and the snake, and that's when I heard her yipe," said Monty Long, the boy's grandfather.
The dog required treatment and for a time it appeared she might not survive. Now she prances about.
"These little bitty dogs, they just don't really get credit," Booker's grandma Denise Long told the Loveland Daily Reporter-Herald.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I year Ago

1 YEAR Completed since Chemo!

It has been a year since my last chemo treatment! Which is ironic because I have not been feeling well at all. But we celebrated by going to Chili’s. It was good.

I became very defiant today and decided to boycott summer and wore a comfy waffle long –sleeved shirt with a T-shirt on top, jeans, socks and shoes. I was proud of myself. I am getting sick of the heat here in Texas and really miss wearing all my snuggly warm clothing. But, to be honest…it was a mistake. Wearing northeast fall clothes in July in Texas is just almost murder. Thank God for air-conditioning in the car and in the restaurant. But hey, there is always that week in December when it gets cool around here. Until then, my boycotting is over.

If we always wish tomorrow
What will become of today?
Will each moment be wasted for the next?
Will my life just pass away?
How do I satisfy the wonder?
That beckons to comprehend?
All that I have been through
Which somehow could mend
The questioning and desire
To not be a wasted breathe
To live for my Creator
And do what He knows best

Friday, July 13, 2007

Just Some Thoughts

Recently I have been thinking about some of my favorite things. The tangible as well as emotional joys leaving you wishing you could remain in the moment forever. And what I have come up with is that these instants are infrequent. I am not sure what initiated this sentimental tribute. Maybe it is the fact that a year ago on July 14, 2006 I took my last chemo treatment that altogether lasted 2.5 years. In a way it seems like that never happened to me. I lived each day individually expecting nothing more than accepting that my circumstance was purposed. And then one day, two and a half years later, my last infusion of Cytoxan was administered. Or perhaps, my attitude results from wanting to know what is next for me. What is my future? Will I get sick again? And so the “what if’s” attack. Sometimes I feel like all I am doing is trying. But, in some cosmic way, I figure this is what we are all doing together. And so is the battle of existence: deciding if you are going to continue trying, or give up and not care.

I can be sure of this: I love when I snuggle with Gracey. When she puts her head on my arm. I love when she falls asleep and has a dream and her little paws run in the air as fast as they can. And Oh! When she barks in her sleep. I almost wish I would never slumber through such a time. I will pause my life just to observe her. Innocent little bundle of fur. She has brought me such joy that I could never express. She has been my friend when no one else has been around.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Mad Fishicist

I have enjoyed reading other blogs throughout the history of my membership here at BlogSpot. Some of the ones I enjoy to read are listed in the right column. But one in particular catches my eye, and almost always brings me to a complete stop as I think and imagine the beauty and emotion created inside his soul explaining his life around him. The “Madfichicist” does not post excessively long blogs. Most are a single photo of something that caught his eye that day. And under it he may post some words reflected on for that particular photo, or something that happened during the day. I have never left his sight bothered that I took the time to see “what’s new” with him.

Today I came upon his newest post "Papa Gotcha," and believe it can offer us encouragement. We are all striving to love others. It is the way God creates. He initiated love in this world, that we, although we are simply an attempt, can learn from Him what makes love unconditional and pure. There is not much of this left in the world. So when I see it, I grab on and thank the Lord for people who are examples of such love, faith, and comfort. My friend in Alaska, this is you. You are a portrayal of Jesus in your life, in your words, and in your family. I send blessings to you today. That you will feel encouraged and safe. That God will continue to speak to you, so as to encourage the world of little hope. You are a tool of the Lord.

Here is the link to one of my favorites…but don’t stop there, the site is loaded with beauty!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Snow White

Recently we arrived back to Abilene after a short, yet pleasant trip to our family lake house at Possum Kingdom Lake. It is a beautiful area representing peace and comfort. I couldn’t believe it was January since my last long visit. As I was watching the fireworks pollute the night with screams of explosion I remembered being outside just right here thinking in January. I spent 4 days alone at the house searching for God and with excitement, waiting for Him to speak to me and teach me His wisdom. I needed something extreme to show Him how much I wanted this. So within less than 24 hours I arranged my planner clear of appointments and other things, packed my bags and medicine, took my bible, journal, some books, and the laptop to write in and left early the next morning to go. I watched no TV, only read, prayed, walked, wrote, and ate and slept. On the last day there, something remarkable happened. And being in Texas, it was extra astonishing. As I was packing to leave, it began to snow. Not just little tiny snowflakes. But snowflakes so huge were falling. Simply looking out into the distance teleported you to the star scene in Star Wars. I was in a galactic universe dodging galaxies, planets, and constellations that seemed so close I could touch them. And this was more intense as I drove home that morning. The snow was changing the world around me. It was covering up the frozen lake, the hibernating grass, and the roads were impossible to spot. White covered all that was exposed. Some of it was objects I did not want covered. Like a flower struggling to stay alive in the cold. Some ugly things were beginning to disappear in the on-coming blanket of white. Old fences, dead grass, and discarded items left for trash, yet hadn’t quite reached its destination somehow too, were all affect. Everything under it, was being “whited.”

It makes me think about how God can take the old and plain things of our lives and purify them with his love. His snow, cleanses our hearts burying our pains and sorrows so that we are all on the same level. We are all looking at the old things, the sin, turned white and forgiven. It is a powerful image to see and feel. We, in HIS image are freed to marvel at the brightness. Free to rejoice that the old is gone and the new has come. We are allowed to become a new image as well. Even though covered in snow, the image still remains. If I were covered in his purifying snow, my shape may look different, but it is still me. My image has changed to be purified.

If you ever have a chance, and I know fellow Texas that may be years from now, watch snow. See the symbolism in its color, how it presents itself, and how it connects to our earth and us.