Thursday, December 11, 2008

So We Wait

Last night we talked with our Social Worker and was told the medicine to stop labor is making our Birthmother (BM) feel shaky and the medicine to counteract the shakiness is making her nauseous. Also BM said she feels Elora, but not as much. And the medicine makes our BM's heart race. So we are not sure what will happen. I assume she will go see her doctor today. I am literally waiting on the edge of my seat. I just feel that Elora is 36 weeks and I am not so sure why they are pushing our Birthmother like this. I know too much about prematurity and I know that having Elora stay is optimal, but if our birthmother is in so much pain day after day and the medicine makes her feel worse, and Elora is 36 weeks, and our circumstance with adoption is very difficult for the birthmother emotionally, why don't they just deliver? Don't get me wrong, some of my reasoning is fear, some of it is excitement, but most of it is thinking about all those different aspects I wrote above. Perhaps most of it is that I feel like I have no control over the matter and I am worried that something might go wrong and I wont be able to protect Elora. I think, besides my kidney failure, this is one of the most challenging surrenders to God I have ever had. I have to trust God, that He is able to hold all of this in His hands. I mean I know this in my head, but then I start thinking about all the "what if's" and my heart begins to race like I just ran around the state of New Jersey.

Other than this, I actually found a way to buy Christmas presents this year and accomplished it yesterday. We also set up our tree and stockings! I jumped around like a little girl the night we transformed our house to a winter wonderland full of sparkly lights and red! It will be a great Christmas with so much to be thankful for and to celebrate. Also, we cooked our first turkey. Thanks to Tighe, I got a good recipe. It was something we had that we needed to cook, so why not now?


Katelyn said...

I am getting anxious, so I cannot imagine what you and Bryan are feelings. You four (you, Bryan, Elora, and her birth mother) are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. If she is meant to stay in the oven a little longer, I ask that the Lord ease the BM from pains and if not, than for this to be a smooth and beautiful delivery. He is in control, I know you know that, but sometimes it helps to have someone back you up and on your team.

Julie Bastuk said...

Hang in there girl, God's in control.

Rand and Maggie said...

Your tree is so pretty! It makes me want to sing, "O Silent Night!" :-)