Friday, October 02, 2009

Happy 6th Angel Day Natalie Grace

Today is Natalie Grace's 6th Angel Day birthday. I can't believe it! We made the most beautiful bouquet with pink flowers and 6 pink butterflies. It was so ministering to work on this together with Bryan and remember Natalie and her life before we traveled to bring it to her grave. I miss her more than words could say, but I also had emotions that I never thought I would in that I really feel like life is so temporary and looking forward to heaven with her is more valuable than a lifetime with her here on earth. I am not saying that I accept her death as something positive or good (and I don't think I ever will), but I need to begin living the way I believe, and if that is that life here is a mere reflection of a more abundant life in heaven then I am ok with this and even excited at the reality of eternity with her and what it will be like. I may not be ok with this a day, or hour, or even minutes from now, but if it is truth, then it is truth. I know I cannot change anything, even if I was mad for years, and even if I did perhaps things would not be as wonderful as I expect it would be with her here. There is so much in my life that I cannot control, terrible things, but they are chances I have to believe God is God. I am still learning, struggling, doubting, and crying over the things I believed I "had," but having God is more important. I don't understand all of this, but I want to have faith enough that I don't have to know anymore. And I believe that will come.

For anyone who has lost a baby to miscarry, stillbirth, sickness, or failed adoption, my heart goes out to you today in sorrow, but I ask for you to believe again with me that our God reigns in Glory. Your babies are not "lost" or gone, but as Bryan said today, everyone who lives still lives because they made a difference to us and our lives no matter how long they were a part of us living on earth in our wombs or breathing or how long ago they lived, the fact is, they still lived and that cannot change. I ask you to help remind me and others you know who have experienced such grief that God is Good and Loving and even when our emotions do not agree, that the Truth still remains. We cannot get through such times without each other and I know I need that in my life. Also, let's remind each other that our story is not over. If you are alive, we are alive for a reason and it is not done. We don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day. And sometimes I thank God for that! I don't know if I can handle it anymore! LOL! But I Praise God for who He is and how He has shown me His Love throughout Natalie's life and death. I am honored He would reveal Himself to me in that way.


Natalie,

Wow! You would have been so spunky and outgoing! Hard to keep up with, creative, beautiful, sensitive and caring. I sometimes get blown away just imaging what I would have to keep up with if you were here. You would make me laugh and cry, think happy thoughts and want to rip my hair out! You had the potential to be so many wonderful things that would have made a beautiful impact on the world. But God chose for you to have a different type of impact...a ministry you probably wont ever really understand. You would have not been perfect by any means, but I know you would have been something to behold at 6 years old! I will never forget you and how beautiful you were.

I Love you SO much, my little sweet princess!

Mommy

3 comments:

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

Thank you for this post. It was Hannah Grace's memorial day last week. I have said good bye to two daughters. I know the pain. Thanks for the enouraging words and for sharing your heart. Peace.

Jennifer said...

Thanks so much for sharing sweet friend. We love you guys!

Julie Bastuk said...

Olivia, that is really a lovely bouquet. Thinking of you and love you very much!