I had another powerful walk with the Lord the other day. I am surprised He showed up since my attitude was less than company worthy. Poor Gracey was barely allowed to leisure sniff, it was hot and miserable and to be perfectly honest, I am 100% completely and utterly sick and tired of Texas. The only logical things that must love this perpetual desert are cactus, lizards, and things that like to bake, fry, and sizzle.
My 30th birthday is coming up in November. I am kind of dreading it. Have you seen the Friends episode where Rachel refuses to come out of her room on her 30th birthday? Well that might be me. But God spoke to me kindly as I thought about this reality. His Words were soft and Loving, and it renewed a passion once again. It went something like this:
There are a lot of people in the world that have powerful ministries revolving around the fact they prayed and got what they wanted. They are the 1 person we see and admire whose Faith we somehow covet, although it really has nothing to do with them. We don't see the others. For every 1 person that sees and experiences a true miracle there are thousands and thousands of people who don't. Are they somehow less Faithful? They are the ones who stayed up day after day and night after night praying, seeking, and reading God's Words. They are the ones who got people to pray for them and with them. They are the families who have done every possible thing known to man himself to connect with God and plead for mercy, and then the horrible still happened. Their daughter died, their father suffers day after day from cancer and withers away slowly before their eyes. They are the people that have asked the Lord to heal with the most sincere and humble hearts and have only heard silence in return. They are the hearts that have been stripped, bared, and torn, but that somehow still Believe. My ministry is not to the ones who have had everything work out, my life is to help the other thousands of people who never got to see that miracle know how Amazing God is even when you don't get your way. Not only when you don't get your way, but when it doesn't make sense to believe or trust. And this goes beyond the USA.
There is so much more to this "conversation" I had as I hallucinated through the Texas heat back to my car. As much as I want my life to be about me, about fairness, about doing what I thought was right to hopefully get what I wanted, it is not. It doesn't even work this way with God. In fact it has nothing to do with a formula, it has to do with Trust and Faith. I am learning this in a new way now. I give God glory for His constant reminding of who He is. And if there is nothing else I can "brag" about during this milestone, then let it be that I will Trust Him.