Thursday, October 27, 2011

Instead

During our latest adventure to the lake house to mainly repair the damage to the boat dock from the fires this summer, I had some amazing time to reflect, seek, and listen. The weather was so perfect that I actually for the first time in months was able to stay outside during the day more than I was inside. Gracey and I adventured all over the place while Bryan slaved on a VERY hard project. Towards the end of our stay I was actually able to get a taste of how difficult it was. I walked away with some minor damage to my finger and arm, but I survived! One afternoon I dedicated to finding beauty. I walked around with Gracey and my big camera and snapped some neat photos. Later that day I sat on the porch, watched the water, and wrote down some things that were in my heart. I was thinking a lot about pain and how God see's our tears. I thought about Josiah and how much I miss him. I thought about some people who have lost their precious children too. I asked the Lord to speak to me on these things and two really neat things occurred.

One thing was: I was again asking God where He is. The day I held Josiah in my arms for the first moments all I could do was yell out to God "Do You see me?" I wanted to know the Lord was there. And as the weeks came univitedly I asked that same question over and over. I wanted to know He was there and I needed to renew that plea every day. It is not the same as asking why. It was saying "I need You. Show me where You are. I am seeking You now. Do You have Your eye on me?" At the lake I asked the same thing. My heart was sad. I told God I don't see Him and I needed to feel Him. At that moment a huge wind came. It flopped my hair all around. It brushed my face. He said, You may not physically see me, like you cannot see the wind, but my sweet daughter, you can feel me, like you feel the wind right now." I will see the Lord face to face some day, but that doesn't mean I can't feel Him now. Perhaps the wind cam show us more about Faith than what we want to see.

The second thing was the Lord gave me another vision for a photo. The Lord speaks to me through photography. I will see a vision for a photo and then create it. This one was very special because it is about pain and tears. There is a sweet saying that God collects all of our tears, that He knows every time we cry and see's our sorrow. I believe God's Love has the Power to make our tears into something beautiful. This is what this photo is about...God turning our pain into beauty. The glass has collected the tears and the flowers are what they become. I collected all of these small little flowers one by one, and prayed that He would continue turning sorrow into beauty, especially for so many that are hurting over the loss of a child. This is what I saw and created that day to speak into this time.



"...to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair."


Isaiah 61:1-3

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