Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Extending over miles along the border of New Mexico and Texas lies a road chased by railroad tracks and a small sign with one word upon it...Progress. I could only chuckle as we drove by it on our 10 hour drive. I could only hope that on the way back the Lord would somehow show me where the sign was to take a picture. It was upon my birthday we ventured home and the great look-out began for this beloved sign. When Bryan saw it, I was elated! I knew it symbolized so much on my birthday. So there is a sign called Progress, a hope that runs as long as that road home and even some more. God has stood by me and I have found my way. He is my rock and my strength and my refuge is in God.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Crow Called Compromise

There's a crow that lives in my heart
he's black, deep and aware
his name is Compromise
and he feasts upon my mind
Insecurities, aloneness and grave vulnerability
they all opened it's wings to fly
straight into my soul
I felt its wings upon my chest
and laughed upon his gaze
I trembled with anger when others unveiled their stares
I misconstrued their sadness for judgement
they were trying to set me free
but I chose darkness instead
Oh, how I wish I could have seen their tears that day
But Compromise grew stronger
and devoured all Truth within

*Several days ago I snapped this photo and realized it spoke to me in many ways. One way in particular that I am troubled over in my heart, is God's people compromising in so many ways. It is like an infection eating the heart and one may welcome it at first because it feels like a good thing, but it is not. This is the lie of *atan, he masks as an angel of light, but he is poison. He wants us to believe that we are entitled to do what we want to feel good, but in reality it blinds us from hearing the Lord and hearing and walking with Him is what truly brings Joy. God has called us to be separate from the world, not follow the world's examples of self gratification, wealth, drinking and partying. We must be aware of this lie and know Truth so we can expose these infections before our life becomes about them and therefore pointless.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Whatever God does is FOREVER!

You can run from a lot of things. The past, the future and even the present. But what happens when you run to claim what God is doing in the "now"? What happened during my first 5K run will be something I remember for a long time. It symbolized so much in my life, but the greatest thing I ran for that day is to claim the Lord Heals. Josiah's name means exactly that, "My God Heals." The journey I have taken to claim and seek this even though he is not here with us has been extremely challenging and difficult. But when we are faced with a situation like this, we either live or die. As we began the race it was very cold, we were in New Mexico which has an elevation of 1 mile high, and as we rounded the first corner, I realized it was going to be an uphill battle. In fact, more than 75% of the run was uphill!!!!!! How symbolic! I had to not think about the finish or what the road looked like to get there. I focused on what was in front of me and kept putting one foot in front of the other. This is what I have been doing emotionally and spiritually. I thought of our son and my journey. I thought of God's Hand upon my shoulder saying "you can do this," I thought of the choice I made to Believe God and walk in His Love, I thought of how focusing on God had brought healing to my body, I thought of our sweet sons face and holding him. We knew we were running to honor Josiah's life. We made bands to put on our left arms that has his little face on it and the verse the Lord gave me of Ecclesiates 3:14 that says "I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever." 38 minutes later after an incredible prayer-run, I crossed the finish line to the best welcome and excitement ever! Our friends were there with signs, smiles, and picture-taking. They knew our journey and I don't believe there was a dry eye between any of us. We claimed healing that day. I may struggle with sadness and sorrow still, but to physically run and petition the Lord was beautiful.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Updation Station

In 11 days I will run my first race. I have never participated in a run before and I am very excited about it! God has been doing a healing in my body and I am stronger than I have been in years. I will run a 5K which is 3.2 miles, yet I have already passed this goal and have run 4 miles non-stop so far. Several posts ago I explained how I became really sick after we buried Josiah. My body swelled up from medicines and I gained a lot of weight and had no energy. I began walking and doing the Wii fit every day and slowly over time, and largely due to Bryan's encouragement and patience, I began running. With Lupus you have a very fragile and fine line between pressing your body in exercise and causing a flare to where you can't do anything for days. But I trusted the Lord's guidance and the signals of my body and was able to cautiously challenge myself. I also began to eat WAY more healthy. In fact, this is kind of funny since I just posted about chocolate. I rarely eat chocolate or sweets anymore at all.

My heart is listening to the right Voice, my Shepherd. I take my sadness to Him. I take my anger to Him and I try to listen to His Truth beyond my tears. It really becomes a choice I must make every day and every day I do not regret making that I will Trust Jesus. It goes beyond church or a Christian culture. It is something only one who has walked through suffering and still Love Jesus can possibly fathom. I wrote about Faith last night and I will post about it soon.
Gracey is doing pretty good. She had a bad fall a couple of weeks ago and we had to rush her to the vet to make sure she was ok. She slipped off of her bed while it was in my arms because she got excited to see Bryan. It was so sad. She was whining and breathing weird. We brought her to the car to go to the vet and she threw up EVERYWHERE! It went all down the consul in the middle and we spent a lot of time cleaning it. She seem fine now. We were able to participate in this years Dream Night at the Grace. We are always so blessed to be a part of the PETS team. Dream Night is a special evening for children with disabilities and their families to come and basically be spoiled with fun! We met one sweet little boy who had autism. He was hesitant to touching. We talked with his Mom for a little while and Gracey did some tricks and Michael was very interested. He eventually warmed up to Gracey and even pet her and gave her a treat! There's never a moment I am doing something with the PETS team and feel like I didn't want to be there. This photo is of Gracey and Bosco the boxer. They were very excited about the treat they were about to receive!

We made some neat changes on our adoption situation and are so excited to see what the Lord does with our hearts submitting to His timing and His child for our home. Bryan and I talked a lot about it and have actually had a new sense of joy come into our hearts. I believe the Lord has a plan in all of this. In 1950 a swimmer, Florence May Chadwick tried to break the all time record of how far she could swim. She set out from the coast of California and the day unfortunately was extremely foggy. There was many boats around her to spot her for any difficulties that may arise. Yet, after 15 hours of her trying to cover 26 miles, she said she just could not go on. When she came into the boat she couldn't believe that she was only a MERE MILE away from finishing. This is my inspiration for not giving up. If I am but a mile from God bringing VICTORY, I must not look at the fog, but Believe God can give me the strength to keep going even if I cannot see.

So we wait for Victory and will not forget to Live in the meantime.

ALSO my closest friends had their sweet son, Elijah over a month ago and I was blessed to be able to be a part of so many sweet moments during his arrival. He is such a very special child to my heart and I am blown away by how much Tighe has been able to allow my heart freedom to love and hold Elijah. I took some newborn photos of him and this one is my favorite.

Friday, November 11, 2011

And a Heart Cries

Where were you the day you found out?

Were you on the phone?

In a doctor's office?

Was it in the morning? Afternoon?

Did you cry or have no words?

Was there faces all around?

Did you keep it a secret?

Did you suspect?

What changed after?

Where did your heart go?

And did it ever come back the same?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I Need A Laugh

Our sweet cousin, Natalie, sent me this comic several months ago. It made me laugh so hard because if there is one thing she knows, it is that I love my dessert...I love chocolate cake, especially from a local restaurant where they live. It stays on my fridge and I laugh everytime I see it.

Monday, November 07, 2011

One Brave Chawennie

The courage of a fellow Chawennie! So sweet!