Thursday, July 26, 2012

Today We Can Say Tomorrow!!!

My Morning Prayer Time
Micah has done well without the jet so far!  In fact tomorrow...YES you are reading correctly.....we PRAY.....tomorrow Micah will go on C-PAP!  Most parents would be a little concerned seeing their child hooked up to a "trunk" looking machine, but ME....NO WAY!!!  I am going to rejoice and do flips!!! (well, I would if I could ya know!).  If you don't know what C-PAP is click on the word to find out more.  Also, one of the things I have been longing and waiting for is to hear Micah cry...tomorrow, Lord willing, we will get to hear this for the first time!  She will not have a breathing tube in her trachea with C-PAP and will be able to make sounds!!!  I am planning on camping out at the NICU all morning to make sure I DO NOT MISS THIS!  I will also take video of this moment.  If she does not tolerate C-PAP, they will re-intubate her with with a bigger tube, and we will try again next time.  The Lord is working regardless of what happensWe KNOW OUR GOD IS MIGHTY TO SAVE!!!!  Our next step, after she is stable on C-PAP, is for us to begin breastfeeding, and I am beyond beyond beyond excited for this.  We still have a little ways to go.  Please pray that she does well today. They turned the pressure down on her Conventional Vent to prepare her for tomorrow so she is having to breathe more on her own and seems a little tired.  I tried to hold her today, but was only able to briefly. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Not Another Day, but a GOOD Day

Today I walked in to a big surpirse!  Micah came off the Jet ventilator today!  This is a huge deal.  She is on the coventional ventilator and seems to be doing very well with it!  I am so proud of her.  This means her lungs are getting stronger.  She has another air leak now.  This is also sort of good news because it means she is growing as well.  The doctor told us today that if it gets worse or something happens where it comes out like last time, they will try her on C-PAP!!!!  THIS HAS BEEN OUR GOAL!!!!  She said she thinks it may be a week or so.  I am very nervous, but also VERY excited because it means that I will get to try to feed Micah myself!  I have been dreaming about this and been so excited for the time where I will get to bond with her in that way.  She is growing so big.  She is now 3 lbs 12 oz.  Not to far from 4 lbs!  She is getting over two infections and still is on antibiotics and will be for 2 more weeks.  They had some major problems getting her PICC line in, but finally succeeded, much to the relief of everyone.  The alternative was not something we wanted to do and we are very happy she wont have to do that.  She had her 3rd eye doctor appointment today and one eye seems to be unchanged, but her right eye may be a little tiny bit worse.  Because she was born so early she is at risk for retinopathy, where her retina's don't grow completely over her eye, or worse, they detach.  The doctor will come back Friday and examine them again.  If he sees anything suspicious, Micah will have to go to Cooks for a shot procedure in her eye.  It sounds so horrible, but in all reality, it may end up saving her vision, and if so we will rejoice.  I am still praying for complete healing. Her doctor said she is very pleased with her progress and that we are making progress!!!!  This is great news after such a hard weekend with her oxygen levels rising and her fighting the infections.  It seems that whenever she goes through a bad spell, she comes out stronger. 

She has been loving her clothes!!!!  We have a whole drawer full of cute outfits.  She loves her pacifier, worship music, and swaddling and snuggling!  We have had some neat cuddle time with her where she has been out 2-3 hours at a time!!!!  The neatest thing is when I quote or read scripture or sing worship, her levels go up and she is super happy.  To know that my child already recognizes the beauty and peace of truth, blesses me beyond anything.  The other day when I was holding her, Bryan and I were so tickled because when he would pay attention to her, her alarms were quiet (her O2 was above 88), but when he turned to look at paper work, her alarms would start beeping!!!  She did it several times.  SHE LOVES HER PAPA!!!!  It was as if she was playing a game with us.  We were laughing so hard.

We have had so many wonderful visitors, calls, mail, packages, and texts.  I can't even recount how many times something arrived THE EXACT DAY we needed that encouragement.  Thank you all so very much.

We still need prayers!!!  Please pray for her lungs to get better and better and BETTER!  Pray for her infections to go away, pray for her eyes to heal.  Pray for a SPIRITUAL COVERING over her as the NICU is a blessing, but there is a lot of warfare around us ALL THE TIME.  Pray for Bryan and I, for strength, unity and peace.  Pray for her nurses to be PICKED BY JESUS.  Pray for her doctors, techs, and anyone else who comes into contact with her.  Pray with us for HEALING for her.  We still hope to be home in September.  Every day is a blessing to us and we are rejoicing.  It is a TOTALLY different world here.  I pray the Lord will sustain us all and help us live for Him even in the intensity of our journey.  I don't want to be swallowed in my own world when I have so much opportunity to love those around me that try to do this without the Lord.  Pray God can use me as a Light here somehow.   

Sunday, July 15, 2012

My Joy

Time is going by fast.  It surprises me.  Life is so different now.  Not just because Micah is here, but because I am living so much in the "NOW" that I can't even remember life before Micah or really what tomorrow will be.  I guess that is what we are supposed to do anyway.  Most people would tare their hair out by now.  We are not even half way done.  But I need to confess something...I LOVE THIS.  Sure there are moments that I would rather be at home still pregnant and waiting for this Victory, but with the road we have traveled, perhaps I even feel some relief sometimes that she is here and she is ok and that I wont wake up and she be gone like Natalie and Josiah.  I love seeing her.  It is like a surprise to me every time still.  I don't want to wake up this time and I don't need to.

I wish I could explain all that is in my heart.  It is so hard for me.  Most did not know we were pregnant at all.  Not even our family.  When we found out we were pregnant with Micah, we prayed and without a doubt heard clearly that we were to walk this road with the Lord and not worry about how or when to tell everyone....that this season with this pregnancy was ours to cherish.  We did not expect it, nor were we surprised.  God has always confirmed in my heart that we were going to have a child...that He would restore what the locust ate...He would give me back what was taken.  8 years later, in this NICU, I sit in front of my daughter and smile...VICTORY.  God's Victory!!!!!  It is not the way I would have planned it to happen, but I am soaking it all in....I am happy....I am truly in awe of the Lord and I am smiling big enough for Him to see in heaven.  I think back to a little over a year ago...when we buried Josiah and I cried out to God in that hospital room..."Do You see me????" I said over and over.  I say it again every time I hold my daughter...."God....my Daddy....Do You see me?"  There are a lot of tears in my eyes, I hug her as tight as I can without making her monitors go off, and I breathe.  "I see you, Olivia.  I see you."  And He is no doubt smiling too.

My greatest Joys!
I don't know how the Lord has managed to give Bryan the strength to update and post his heart.  We have had so many people text, write and call to tell him how much his posts have blessed and encouraged them, and I am one of those people as well.  I feel like the Lord has opened up a beautiful portal to Bryan's heart and has given him a gift to share and help everyone know the small and great victories we see everyday so that Jesus can be praised.  Bryan is so wonderful.  I don't know what I would do without him.  If I could some how show you my heart when I see him and Micah together, it would overwhelm you as much as it does me.  In all the Victories I have desired and waited for, to see my husband with our daughter far outweighs any accomplishment or gift I could give the Lord on this earth.  I am brought to tears, he is a great Papa...he is a GREAT GREAT PAPA!  God thank You!!!!  Thank YOU!!!!

I am blessed....full....and I wait upon the Lord to keep healing Micah's lungs and growing her body strong.  My prayer and my future involves our daughter, healthy and strong and a POWERFUL testimony that God keeps His Promises!!!!

Monday, July 02, 2012

Victory is the Lord's

How do I write my heart? 
Is it even possible? 
Could words do justice? 
If you could but look into my eyes and see what I see. 
If you could but look into my heart and know my path, 
You would see Who leads me here, 
You would see Who guides my each day. 
What could life now offer me but Joy? 
What could morning bring but Hope?
What could I say?
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Just that Victory is in the Lord