Sunday, July 15, 2012

My Joy

Time is going by fast.  It surprises me.  Life is so different now.  Not just because Micah is here, but because I am living so much in the "NOW" that I can't even remember life before Micah or really what tomorrow will be.  I guess that is what we are supposed to do anyway.  Most people would tare their hair out by now.  We are not even half way done.  But I need to confess something...I LOVE THIS.  Sure there are moments that I would rather be at home still pregnant and waiting for this Victory, but with the road we have traveled, perhaps I even feel some relief sometimes that she is here and she is ok and that I wont wake up and she be gone like Natalie and Josiah.  I love seeing her.  It is like a surprise to me every time still.  I don't want to wake up this time and I don't need to.

I wish I could explain all that is in my heart.  It is so hard for me.  Most did not know we were pregnant at all.  Not even our family.  When we found out we were pregnant with Micah, we prayed and without a doubt heard clearly that we were to walk this road with the Lord and not worry about how or when to tell everyone....that this season with this pregnancy was ours to cherish.  We did not expect it, nor were we surprised.  God has always confirmed in my heart that we were going to have a child...that He would restore what the locust ate...He would give me back what was taken.  8 years later, in this NICU, I sit in front of my daughter and smile...VICTORY.  God's Victory!!!!!  It is not the way I would have planned it to happen, but I am soaking it all in....I am happy....I am truly in awe of the Lord and I am smiling big enough for Him to see in heaven.  I think back to a little over a year ago...when we buried Josiah and I cried out to God in that hospital room..."Do You see me????" I said over and over.  I say it again every time I hold my daughter...." Daddy....Do You see me?"  There are a lot of tears in my eyes, I hug her as tight as I can without making her monitors go off, and I breathe.  "I see you, Olivia.  I see you."  And He is no doubt smiling too.

My greatest Joys!
I don't know how the Lord has managed to give Bryan the strength to update and post his heart.  We have had so many people text, write and call to tell him how much his posts have blessed and encouraged them, and I am one of those people as well.  I feel like the Lord has opened up a beautiful portal to Bryan's heart and has given him a gift to share and help everyone know the small and great victories we see everyday so that Jesus can be praised.  Bryan is so wonderful.  I don't know what I would do without him.  If I could some how show you my heart when I see him and Micah together, it would overwhelm you as much as it does me.  In all the Victories I have desired and waited for, to see my husband with our daughter far outweighs any accomplishment or gift I could give the Lord on this earth.  I am brought to tears, he is a great Papa...he is a GREAT GREAT PAPA!  God thank You!!!!  Thank YOU!!!!

I am blessed....full....and I wait upon the Lord to keep healing Micah's lungs and growing her body strong.  My prayer and my future involves our daughter, healthy and strong and a POWERFUL testimony that God keeps His Promises!!!!


Anonymous said...

I love you and share your joy. What a sweet, sweet victory. Micah is a beautiful and strong girl and I look forward to getting to know her. :)

Katie said...

I think of you and your beautiful family daily!! I am so thrilled that things are going so well!! The quote I keep thinking about in association with you guys is "Good things come to those that wait". You have waited so very long for this, and I think something not only good, but GREAT, FANTASTIC and PERFECT has come your way!! YAY YAY YAY!!! Love you guys so very much!! I hope I get to meet sweet Micah one day!!!

Angela said...

I was just thinking of you and Micah today. It's so good to hear that you are all doing so well and to see Bryan and Micah together. She's gorgeous and you can see the pure love on his face. I know that your love extends to her too and I'm so happy for your little miracle baby that God has brought you. May she continue to grow strong and bring you joy for a lifetime ;)