Wednesday, November 21, 2012

6 months

Wow-wee!!!!  Micah is 6 months old...about 9 weeks adjusted now.  She is having some issues with eating.  Most of the time she is just not interested in eating.  If there was one thing the NICU embedded into our brains, it is: that unless she eats, she wont grow...her brain wont grow, her organs wont grow, she has to eat...HAS TO EAT...SHE HAS TO EAT EAT EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was very surprised when we had our check up a week ago, that we were told to keep feeding her every 3 hours.  I feel like this is the culprit, since she refuses to do so, or she only will eat a small amount.  I can't even begin to explain the stress this has caused our family.  As a Mom, I am supposed to be the one feeding her.  It is my responsibility and when she doesn't eat (yesterday she didn't eat all day!!!!), I can't help but hear the enemy's  voice saying "you are a failure."  There are deep spiritual ramifications in the victory of Micah's life and I know the enemy seeks a place to try and destroy what he can.  He always takes our weaknesses and uses them to wound us and make us feel inadequate.  He wants us tired, hungry, cold or hot, in pain, burdened, weak, or burned out, and this list goes on and on.  A church I was a member of for a while (in 2004) stood by me through a very difficult time.  I remember one amazing man of God who told me that a scheme of the enemy is to use our physical needs and the lack thereof against us.  He always made sure I had food.  He was wise and knew the enemy can use our physical weaknesses to block our understanding of the Lord.  That is why we give the homeless food, or help a child have a coat for the winter.  It speaks to our bodies and can open the door for us to not be distracted by the physical, and hear the spiritual.  We are desperate for Peace and Joy and ask the Lord daily to give us strength to continue healing from what we have been through and help us know what to do to help Micah eat so she can grow.  The only thing that seems to be working right now is BLASTING Kari Jobe worship music.  And when U say BLAST, I mean turning it up super duper loud!!!!  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, Micah's spirit knows what worship is.  She responds well to it, but there is only so many times a day I can hold her in one arm, juggle the bottle in the other, hold her VERY HEAVY oxygen tank around my neck, bop her up and down and walk from room to room JUST to get her to eat...and the trial doesn't end here, we just pray EVERY time that it will stay down!!!! 

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