Thursday, March 21, 2013

Thoughts on Mommy-hood and Giving up Control

Ahava is 10 Months old today!  (Adjusted she is almost 6 months)
We did this photo for our friend Hope!
I was laying in bed tonight and God showed me a treasure...that is what I call them, the little jewels of wisdom or enlightenment's He shows my heart so I can explore their orgins and discover more about His Love.  It begins the treasure hunt!!!!  And I am enticed with His nuggets of gold and sparkling emeralds!!!!  I used to write a lot at night.  It was my time with God and I have missed it so much.  I honestly don't have much time to sit down and think, but I am realizing that I must do these things that have drawn my heart to my Precious God, so I can grow and be healthy even when it means I am not getting the sleep I so desperately want!!!  There is so much He desires me to see right now and I am ready to look and I am ready for it to seep into my veins and ignite my heart on fire! Come God, my heart is open to only You, please speak to me and show me Your beauty.  Here is what I got:
All you need is ONE BOOT right? 
They were never mine and now I am learning that in a different way. Perhaps God taught me something I didn't know I had been learning all along, Ahava is not mine, she is His and I must learn how to let her go like I have all our other kids, into His hands that He will do His will with her life. All I can do is seek Him for her and ask the Lord to help me be a loving Mom who will teach her the reality of a Loving God who not only saved her for a great purpose, but who can use her life beautifully no matter what happens. But the letting go is the point and the "aahh-haa" here.  I was forced to let go my children who are in heaven right now, but now I must make a choice to let Ahava go in the Lord as she grows and serves Him. Her life is not about me, it is about what God is doing in her and for Him through her.  I just have to be a Mom to helps her discover this and support her in the Lord as He repeatedly shows her this as she grows.  It is a great lesson and something that I will have to keep re-learning. I have to find ways to show her God exists and that will take purposeful intention to do so because the world has a different agenda. We can no longer leave it up to education, family or even church anymore to guide our children. We are coming into a time and age where we have to know what we believe in our hearts and allow that to show our children the Truth.  We do not know the future, what we will be living in and how the world will treat those who Believe.  What we believe MUST be printed ON OUR HEARTS.  Do I live this way?  I want to, and to be a good steward of what God has given me (Ahava), I am determined to find ways to do this.  The Truth is not just something written, it is alive and active and brings life

John 1:1-5 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He {the Word} was with God in the beginning.  Through him {talking about the Word because "him" is not capitalized} all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him {the Word} was life, and that life was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

Having fun with Cousin Lisa
We can determine from this verse that the Word = (equals) God, all things were made by word and through the word life was given, and the life that words give, are the light of men.  The words we can chose to learn and speak will give life.  The words we read from the Bible and from Jesus' words are this exact LIFE they are talking about!!!!!!!!!  It is is "alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12

And not forgetting that words have power: "The tongue has the power of life and death,..." Proverbs 18:21  I must know and seek Truth for my heart and for my daughter.  I must study the Words of Jesus, the greatest weapon.

I want Ahava to know I Love her and I want her to know this, because I know God's Love. I can't give her something I don't have...or don't seek for myself. My love for her is not good enough, not powerful enough and not faultless. I already have made mistakes and I know I will in the future. My Mommy-Ahava guide book is Jesus' Words. ("The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds" 2 Cor. 10:4) She has always been my butterfly and it would be really easy to want to control her, but I want to be different, I want to be wise and help her seek wisdom's jewels instead. Even at 10 months, she knows Jesus and I have even seen her have an angelic experience! She knows the difference in my voice of happiness or frustration and is super sensitive. She is yearning to connect with the world and explore it...it is now that I can continue to lead her to Truth in Who God is! And like a child, we must all come to explore together!!!! I am excited to journey with Ahava as she sees this beauty! I am privileged to have a front row seat to being challenged by her (yes by my 10 month old daughter!) to discover the Joy's of this world of our creator. "I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, take heart, and wait for the Lord." Ps. 27:13 
Playing taggie kick ball with Papa and Mama and making
everyone laugh!
God,

Help me let go. Every good and perfect gift is from above (Ja. 1:7)...they are Yours and for Your glory! Help me give Ahava to You now Lord. You have given her to me as my daughter to raise and I will raise her well in Your Truth. Help teach me how to Love and seek You for me, so that she sees this and knows that it comes from You and will desire that deeply in her soul. Help me release the agenda of the world...micromanaging, keeping kids busy and not using the minds, over stimulation, knowledge instead of wisdom, acceptance instead of truth. I surrender her to You Jesus because it is only You Who can lead us to Your Will and throne. Help me be a good Mom and show me what that looks like.

Olivia

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