Tuesday, March 18, 2014

He Would be THREE

Our son Josiah was born 3 years ago today at 2:08pm.
His heart had stopped beating in the womb at over
22 weeks gestation. 
Three, three, three
Years without and years with
so many things can happen in three years
but my life is still not the same
I imagine you with your sister daily
playing, laughing, and causing all sorts of innocent childish trouble
and my heart wanders into the eternal
into the place I am not allowed just yet except in my mind and heart
I wonder, imagine, dream, yearn and constantly call for justice
and I know that one day there will be.
Justice will call back to me and His Face will bring to Light even the darkest pain.
So, I chose to believe, I chose to believe what my heart cannot see today
I chose to believe that my yearning is more than just sorrow
but the constant reminder of our true home

"I know that whatever God does,
Ecc. 3:14

Dear Josiah,

We went to the marina today and released balloons
for you.  I hope you saw them!  Your sister picked out
the smiley face one, mine was the blue star because you
shine bright in the heavens, and Papa
got you the birthday red star balloon because
we celebrate you today.
We thought it would be fun to release them near the boats
because you probably would have loved them!
We miss you every single day and long
for the Joy of things to be restored one day
and be together in heaven. I love you.
Josiah's Grammy went to remember her grandson
today where he is buried in Texas.

Monday, March 10, 2014


Last night at about 10:18pm an 6.9 earthquake hit our city.  The epicenter was about 50 miles away in the ocean, but I can tell you first hand, it was not a small affect by an means.  What really amazes me as I look back, was how long it lasted.  With the time change we were still awake watching a movie. Our window was open happily letting in the sounds of the rain and a cool evening breeze. The first big shake (it seemed like it shook continuously, but with harder shakes that came about maybe 3 or 4 times throughout the episode) I looked at Bryan and then I instantly knew what was happening and thought maybe it would be over, but wasn't and I ran for Ahava's room.  I know she was right down the hallway, but to me at that moment, it felt like she was 20 miles away.  The house was still shaking when I went and grabbed her and headed to the tub (ok, natives, you can totally laugh, I didn't know the best place to go and being in Texas for so long with Tornadoes, that was my default...I told a friend of mine we are from now on putting our dining room table in Ahava's room...LOL!!!!).  When I got in the tub, I remembered Gracey (who lo and behold was in the safest place that I now know...our huge big bed) and yelled for Bryan to get her.  He ran to get her (things still shaking) and we all huddled together and then it was over.  I was pretty startled.  I held Ahava who really was so sweet throughout it and just thought we all were having a grand ole' time snuggling in the middle of the night, and took some good breathes and Bryan held her for a while and we put her back to sleep and she just went back to bed like nothing happened.  The sounds of the event were interesting.  You could hear the pulses almost and just everything moving.  It sounded like a huge giant diesel MAC truck was starting up on top of our house.  We did have some rattles (mainly our fire place utensils), objects move (stuff in our top shelf of the closet) and things fall in the garage, but no damage was seen.  We checked our gas lines as well.  The lights did flicker, but power remained and we were pretty safe.  I knew there would be after shocks and was more concerned about that then anything, because I just didn't want to be taken off guard again.  The element of surprise with earthquakes are the worst part, especially since it hit at night.  I think back often, even without this reminder, of when my sweet friend, Cari was in Haiti when the horrible 7.0 earthquake hit Port-au-Prince.  She was there visiting her Grandmother when it happened, and had to be evacuated several days later by the US Army.  I can't imagine the feeling and devastation the people there have had to witness and live through.  I know in retrospect. our experience was so minor, but it reminds me of an all powerful Mighty God.  Just that morning we were singing Kari Jobe's new song "Forever" and sang the part "the ground began to shake...the stone was rolled away..." and isn't it funny that I thought about an earthquake happening and what it would feel like.  There was a HUGE earthquake when Jesus died.  It was a rumble from the earth and existence that cried out for newness and life and redemption.  I am just so thankful we all were ok and no one got hurt.  I pray that in all situations that we can seek the Lord as comforter and protector and not fear.

Saturday, March 01, 2014


Bryan, Ahava and I were at this actual LIVE recording of Kari Jobe's new song "Forever."  If I'm not mistaken, I can see us in a small clip out in the audience!  It was such an amazing night that I wish could have lasted longer.  This song and her new approaching album truly usher us into the Lord's presence and can powerfully change our hearts through words, music and Truth.  She truly reached a new depth to her music and it will bless you!