Saturday, May 24, 2014

And so the Truth

I have been searching for words lately and feel as though I lack the right ones.  I hear the accusers in my mind and my heart races and my mind searches over the knowledge, experiences and times of faith all stored up inside of me like a historical vault and I look for the words and ponder because what I know, I know so well that I feel as though it is not something I need to even explain anymore.  The hardest things I have lived through aren't by any means small, but they have become intertwined into every fiber of my being so much so that I cannot differentiate between the Truth I have learned of Who God is in pain and also in victory from my existence before those events.  But now, as I am faced with the desire to Love and encourage those around me, I am asking God for the words. I so desperately want others to know, feel and see God as Healer, Comforter and Justice.  I want God to open the flood gates of my past and allow words to somehow capture all that He has done.  And so, is God Healer?  And so is God not?  Is God the Promise Keeper with Ahava?  With my kidney's being healed?  Or does He sometimes not heal?  Like with Natalie?  Like with Josiah?  Because I certainly had the same Faith for Josiah that we did for Ahava.  So which God is He? And my answer, the one I am begging for words for, is that He is most certainly both.  My story is this; that I have tasted the deepest pain and sorrow I felt one could ever be allowed to even carry without being crushed and also have felt the Lords Love, comfort and patience with me even when I was angry.  Can we somehow decide that God is only God when we see the outcome how we want it?  No, God You are God.  I pray for words, Lord. I pray for the words.

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