Tuesday, March 31, 2015

11 Years Ago

11 years ago I was undergoing the battle of my life. Hospitalized nearly an entire 3 months, I left a completely different person. I looked young, but at the age of 23 I knew why I was alive and my purpose was rooted deeply. Little did I know that I would cherish this season to be one of rawness and reality that would shape and make me who I am today. Although I was diagnosed with the most severe type of Lupus that merely 25 years earlier would have left me 100% fatal, I never once accepted and allowed Lupus to be who I was. My journey did not end when I finally was released from my hospital stay. I continued with an aggressive treatment of chemotherapy for another 3 months (6 months total) and then another 2 years of it would follow. God taught me so many things during this time. Friendships and the love of others literally held up my arms when I was too weak to do it on my own. I learned that although life isn't fair, that it all carries beauty, even the pain, even the doubts and confusion. Every ounce of my struggle had purpose and the ability to praise God if I allowed it to. 

This photo may just seem like any other floating out there on blogs or Instagram or pages. In fact most will probably just pass it by. But as I know being a photographer, every photo tells a story. Every photo tells a book and this one speaks endlessly. See, 11 years ago a sweet friend of mine brought me a care basket during one of my chemotherapy treatments and this blanket was in it. I remember going through my treatment that day wrapped up in this cozy snugly blanket wondering what my life was going to be like. I wondered if I was even going to make it. I wondered where God was and what He was doing. I wondered when I was going to begin vomiting and if I was going to be able to stop without beig admitted again. I asked so many questions, and snuggled up in my blankety hug I never imagined my beautiful miracle 1.2 lb daughter (who is working her way to 30 lbs now!!!) would beg me to snuggle in it for her nap. She doesn't know the history yet, and perhaps the blanket won't make it to the day where she truly will comprehend, but I will not be one who forgets. My heart and soul cry out with thankfulness and as I see that smiling face of hers surrounded by the "hug" I know that He is so Faithful and my knees give way as I step out in faith for future I can't yet see. Thank You Jesus. 

Friday, March 27, 2015

Simply Beautiful

Just so beautiful Gives me chills everytime.


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Josiah's 4th Angel Day

I’ve sowed the tears
Of all these FOUR years
Yet sorrow remains today
I’ve imagined your smile
As I’ve been forced every mile
Knowing that I must stay
And although comfort is true
Even here without you
I can’t say that I’m the same
So I get on my knees
Surface my pleas
And silently I whisper your name
“My son, my son” such words arise
From deep within my soul
And yesterday replays once again in my heart
“If only I could have seen you grow”

Friday, March 06, 2015

A Day is an Offering

What is a day but an offering to the One Who knows where I need to be and when? I love those times where we let our flesh go and just follow the Lord's Voice. At first it feels so uncomfortable, so strange like we are missing a piece of clothing, but it is where we need to be living...as His hands and feet.  Those times are hidden treasures.  When our schedules explode in fits of rage at our divergent path. Oh poor schedules. If they only knew, right? If they only knew that God may have a different plan that day. If they only knew that the times where you were late was one where you weren't in that 6 car pile up on  HWY 91. If they only knew that our lives do not belong to them, but it goes even deeper, it doesn't even belong to US!!!! If our schedules only knew that they are a mere illusion to the reality of our times and cause more noise within the head of a million noises swirling endlessly around me. They deafen me daily and I must weed through their message, I must search with my eyes closed for that One Voice and follow. Follow without even knowing where I am going. Because I trust Him. Oh. How I trust Him indeed. He has proven this to me over and over.  He is my GPS. He knows where my next stop will be and for how long. He knows what cancellations can truly mean and how my attitude affects His purpose for that. He knows after my appointment is cancelled I'd drive home and stop in the parking lot to talk to my dearest friend. He knows that an old man in front of me standing there would collapse. He knows that I would run out there and begin praying, holding on to him, stroking his arm and back and asking Jesus to be there with us. He knows that I would stay when other bystanders left...they had to keep their schedules, right?  He knows that the ambulance and Firemen would arrive. He knows that I would keep talking to him. He knows that I would offer to help him get his groceries and give him a ride home after he refused against all better judgment to go to the hospital.  He knows that I would talk to him about Him. He knows that I would tell him about what He did for me and to share the gospel and tell him that You want him to accept You in his heart and ask forgiveness and to let You in his life. He knows that I would drive him to his apartment, so bare, so lonely, so so so lonely and help the 79 year old man inside. Help him to his bed, speak with his neighbor and make sure he had some dinner. He knows that I would be touched deeply about what had happened and tears would swell down my cheeks all evening long. He knows that the next day he would be taken to the hospital and I would check on him and be told that he may not make it much longer.  He knows and I don't, and that is why I will chose to follow.  Get me out of the way Lord and thank You for showing me.

Tuesday, March 03, 2015


Awake, awake Oh you sleeper
for heaven in 'nigh
our now so small
yet "thens" eternal reward.

Awake, awake Oh you sleeper
it is a Voice calling in Love
beginning with Your Presence
we've chosen to reflect ourselves.

Awake, awake Oh you sleeper
don't see yourself no more
arise from the depths
clothe yourself with Him
and you will have to sleep no more.