I am writing this post in January and as I look back at these photos, as a photographer, as a Mom and as some who offers their brokenness to the Lord, these photos say it all. Saying goodbye to Gabriel was extremely hard in so many ways. The pain, the questions, the sadness, the empty hole all peaked their heads up uninvited. But the true sadness that overwhelmed my heart was for Ahava. I don't care what any one says or thinks, she understood and mourned. She knew we were saying goodbye. She knew he was with Jesus, and she missed him. The most memorable moment of my pregnancy with Gabriel was when we were putting Ahava to bed and I was cuddled up beside her and Gabriel let out the BIGGEST kick I had felt. I was so surprised that I reacted laughing! Ahava felt so special. I think he knew his sister and loved her. Oh how she would have loved that little boy to the ends of the earth. Oh how I wish....oh how I wish. God, You give and take away. I will choose to say, blessed be Your Name. I only see in part. Let me cover my eyes then, blind my pain until only You remain.