Saturday, February 13, 2016

To Jireh

Dear Jireh,

Today is your angel. It is what we call these days on our calendar when we celebrate your life and that you are in heaven. Unless someone has gone through something like we have, it probably doesn't make any sense or seems odd, but the reality of your life is more significant in my eyes then an accomplished person on earth. When I buried your sister, Natalie, I prized the fact that she taught me more about God and the reality of heaven than any professor or preacher combined. I unfortunately had other babies that caused my heart again to search the deep things of life and I've always come up on the other end assured that God truly is Who He says He is. Your life has done the same. It has given me a choice in what I was going to believe in in the midst of heartache and sorrow. I have 7 children. One who I get to raise for God on earth. Seven names who I long to hold in my arms, yet for weeks now your name, Jireh, has been on my heart in a very deep way. I think there would have been a very special bond between you and I. I can almost see it and hear it. I was so happy when I knew you were on your way. And I am still very proud that you exist and will with me forever in heaven. My hope never died and never will and you gave me the opportunity to believe and offer my belief and trust to God. I wish my human mind could grasp the further reality of you and your life. I squint my eyes and still my mind to somehow press into the eternity you experience everyday and I cannot slightly even touch its fullness. I know you live amongst the Truth. I know you know Him and walk with Him. And so I offer you again to Him and lay down what I believe is best and would make me the most fulfilled. Because you wouldn't have Jireh, only God does and I trust and believe Him. I miss you. I miss what I would have known of you as a man on earth. I miss the memories we didn't get to make. But I must again choose this day what is true and I choose heaven. I will never forget you and how God loves and created you. I don't see the big picture yet, but I know you see it and it is beyond beautiful. Praise God for you and for life and for the hope that we live for. Thank you God. 

Love

Mama

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