There are so many places in the bible I wish I could “visit” and transport myself in time to simply watch. I know God knew His perfect plan of when and where Jesus would come to fulfill His destiny and that included the important fact that faith would be a big part of it. The use of modern day technology would have been something to behold if Jesus was FaceTimed, recorded, Twittered and so on. But I see a beauty in the verse in John 20:29 that says “Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” That is us, that is you and that is me. Our faith is deeper because we must allow the Holy Spirit access to our “vision” and filter of what is Truth within our souls and what is not. One time that I am sure many people would agree in wishing they could have seen is the last week of Jesus’ life on earth, particularly His death and resurrection. I know what we in modern day label as “Easter” is approaching and with this many sermons are being preached of Jesus’ sacrifice and His Victory over death and sin. But something was revealed in my heart a couple of years ago and since then I have been reminded of it and feel burdened to write and share it with you. Please make no mistake that simply Jesus’ burden and the weight of His call were immense and overpowers my mind entirely on its own. I know that even without what I am about to mention, the acts of His Love can stun my puny little earthly mind in awe. Saying that, I think too often we get stuck around the events leading up to Jesus’ death and then the resurrection itself. Preachers mention with appropriate enthusiasm and emotion that Jesus was willing to give His life for us. They will comment how even though He was innocent and was able to stop Himself from being crucified, He willingly took death and that was His conflict as He asked God for the cup to be passed from Him. But I do not believe this as so. His suffering was so much more and as we dive into this a little further, I believe you will see an even deeper revelation about what Jesus was truly going through. It was so much more than the simple act of dying that caused Jesus to be “in agony.” (Luke 22:43) In fact, I lay in bed one night thinking of this exact issue. Why do we accolade Jesus’ willingness to die as something that is so distinctively heroic? In our world and throughout history, that simple act wouldn’t have distinguished Jesus from others. Honestly, it just wouldn’t have. Brave men (and woman) have been known throughout history to offer, sacrifice or fight for a just cause and in return lose their lives. Was this the courage we think is so different and evident in Jesus? I mean other men and woman do the same thing for their families, for freedom and for their country. It got me thinking to how there has to be more. Jesus was more than just the courage that we can also find in our history books of mere men and woman. I wanted to find that reason. Jesus wasn’t just looking into deaths face and trembling because He was about to die in the flesh. How could Jesus as God in the flesh pray “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39) and then sweat blood (Luke 22:44) because He was going to die. Men and woman sacrifice their lives in this world and would they be that scared? This wasn’t the reason He was so distraught. It wasn’t. And this is the issue preachers and believers may be missing. The beauty and the true reason that Jesus was troubled to the point of crying blood, was because He knew what would happen ON THE CROSS. It wasn’t necessarily death He was concerned about; it was that HE WAS GOING TO BECOME SIN. This is the real motive, the truth and the reason why I am brought to my knees every time I think of this, as I am practically now. Jesus had never ever never ever ever sinned, or been sin in respect to His Father or the Holy Spirit. I don’t know what that meant, I don’t know if He felt a separation or what that was like, but I ponder these things. I wonder if He was tormented without feeling His Father’s presence. There are such mysteries our mortal minds cannot comprehend nor explain. But I know deep down, somehow, that that moment was what He was burdened about. It was what loomed over Him and hurt Him deeply. The enemy was about to be allowed access to torture Him in ways we can never identify with. He literally became all the sin of not only our world and every single person upon it at this specific moment, but of every person FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD, UP UNTIL NOW, AND THEN EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT HAS NOT BEEN BORN YET. Everyone. All the sin of every person that has, is, and will exist. Every ugly, horrible, cruel, mean, horrid, unspeakable thing both able to be recognized, and then also the sin that occur in the heart and mind, anyone could have ever done, He BECAME. This, my brothers and sisters is why He was so burdened. This is why He “being in agony, prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:44). It means more to me somehow now. The value of our King that not only Who was willing to die and give His life up, but Who more importantly was willing to become sin. God says in 2 Corinthians 5:21 that “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Jesus BECAME sin. I think He literally 100% BECAME the sin. I know that there are theological debaters out there that would argue (and I’ve already touched on it briefly stating that there is mysteries we cannot comprehend for example how 3 people can be One), but I do believe God somehow, without abandoning Jesus, was in some way separated from the sin of Who Jesus was at that moment. I don’t know all of it, but I wish I was there that day. I would be on my knees completely overwhelmed at how much my Savior Loves us, the world, and me.