Monday, September 12, 2016


Night time is my all time favorite.  I guess half of it is because I survived the day, and the other is that I get to hear Ahava's heart as we cuddle in bed. She tells me about her day, asks questions and sometimes, like the other night, it can get very deep.  Laying next to me under her covers, she puts her hand on mine, looks at me very sad and says "Mommy I don't want you to go to heaven."  I was a little shocked at how our conversation went from her favorite color and animal to this.  I told her enthusiastically that "I WANT to go to heaven!"  I explained that I am not going to heaven right now, but that eventually, I DO want to go to heaven and I was REALLY excited.  We have talked about heaven and she always seems so amazed!  She then told me that she doesn't want me to go to heaven without her, and honestly this pinged my heart a little bit.  I didn't want Ahava to be thinking about something so sad like me dying, so I thought about what I should say.  I told her that we don't know when we will go to heaven and that only God knows and that if Mommy goes to heaven before you, then you will see me again in heaven and we will live together forever WITH Jesus!!!!  I told her that me being in heaven before her isn't the end and that we should WANT to go to heaven.  I could see Ahava's face in the evening shadow becoming more and more gloomy and concerned.  I started praying in my heart and just felt this weight of sadness.  I wanted to say the right thing and felt like I had done a good job, but there was something more on her heart now.  "Mommy," she said very distraught. I tried to stay calm, "Here we go," I thought and braced myself.  "But, Mommy" she continued, ",....are there...." and she almost couldn't get it out, "...are there spoons in heaven?"  "Well," I said as I relaxed my body, "there has to be.  God said that we are going to have a FEAST in heaven and I can't imagine eating food at a beautiful feast without spoons!"  Ahava's whole demeanor changed!  She SMILED so BIG!  She hugged me as tight as she could, (ouch!), kissed me on the cheek and seemed so so so so relieved.  SO, rest assured, THERE ARE SPOONS IN HEAVEN!

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